Couples relationships affects individuals and even the whole family. Our professional team provides information and practical tips on our services to prevent problems appearing among couples and enhance their relationships. When their relationships are on the rocks, we provide advice on solutions for their problems to ensure couples can learn and grow together.
When a couple gets married, they need to leave their original family, where they were nurtured and supported, and establish a new family with their partner. Therefore, the couple needs to support and understand each other to build a healthy marital relationship. When they encounter disagreements, they both hope that the other can listen to their own wishes. However, when both insist on their own opinions, effective communication cannot be achieved.
According to Satir’s Iceberg Theory, a person's external behavior is like the visible part of an iceberg above the waterline, but this tip of the iceberg only represents 1/8 (one-eighth) of the whole iceberg. The remaining 7/8 (seven-eighths) are hidden beneath the waterline and are not explored by anyone. However, this large part under the iceberg is the true inner feelings and desires of a person.
Therefore, when facing the decision of whether to live with parents after marriage, both spouses need to understand their feelings and thoughts.
Your preference to "live with parents" may be due to your deep feelings and attachment to parents, the insistence on filial piety and the fear of leaving your original family. After all, it is not easy to leave your comfort zone that has been established for years.
In reality, it may be economically advantageous to live with parents and save money for the family, even after marriage, while you can also take better care of your elder parents. Living with a large family also provides more opportunities for family activities.
On the contrary, the other spouse may want “privacy” due to their expectations for an intimate relationship with their partner, their concerns about adapting to different living habits of in-laws, and the fears of dealing with conflicts between their in-laws. From a spiritual perspective, the other spouse’s personality may be relatively independent, and may feel that there is no need to live with parents.
Especially for newlyweds or younger couples, living with elderly parents may create pressure, as they may worry about parents' interference in their daily lives or the possibility of differences in values leading to disagreements and affecting family relationships, causing estrangement. If they have children, they may not want to entrust the responsibility of disciplining them to their parents, leading to conflicts between generations. In addition, the other spouse may have certain expectations for their married life and may expect to live together and have their own space.
Behind your different choices there lies your hidden desires and feelings that need to be understood. Hence, we suggest both spouse sit down and communicate honestly to understand each other's thoughts, boundaries and stance and consider each other’s feelings to reach a feasible solution together.
Regardless of your final decision, the process and experiences in marriage will help both you and your spouse grow.
Sources: Ms. Tsang, Social Worker (Family Service), Hong Kong Family Welfare Society
Share
